Inspiration

I fell in love with you in the spring of 2007

Loved you for more than two years.

I will love you for more years.

In the summer of 2009 I fell in love with her.

At least I thought I was in love with her.

I wanted to hold her hand. Cuddle with her. Impress her.

I asked her once to be my date. Mildly joking. She told me I had to court her. Real classic romantic things. Even ask her father for permission. I tried. Then life caught up to me.

The first month of 2010 came. And oddly enough she told me something.
Something involving you.

See in the fall of 2009 right before I told you “I love you and care about you” ; I discovered the two of you knew each other.

I lost you when I told you I loved you and cared about you. But I was already loosing you. You had regretted this love affair for so long. When I lost you I told her.

But this something was that she likes you.

And you like her.

She told truths of how nothing had happened and how you guys truly were nothing.

But she felt the need to tell me. Considering I had told her all about you.
Loving you. Hating loving you. Missing you.
She didn't want to lose me just because of you.

Now I lay here struggling. Struggling to not lose another tear because of you.

Struggling to forget all about you. I want to be happy for you.

But I can’t do that for you.

Now I fear I’ll lose another to you.

I may not love her the way that applied with you but I’ve lost so much to you.

I lost my heart to you in 2007. I want nothing more than to have it back from you

Please don’t make me lose a friend because you had to hold my hand.

RollHer CoastHer

You know when I look in the mirror at these eyelashes that are caked with mascara I remember what smiling feels like.
Lady let your jealousy ensue, but remind you, I do not hate you, I do not grudge you.
Respect, question it when you HAVE actually given it.
Must be beautiful to be that blind about a true friendship.
Blinded by hate.
But can you say why.
Today may just be the breaking day.
You turn the day from a spring sunshine good beat morning to the darkest Alaskan afternoon.
Put a block in the track with us in the cart.
About to drop.
Watch it vier off and two innocent souls tumble out.
See how accomplished you feel then.
I could only pray the guilt would eat you alive from the murder you are attempting to commit.

Vacation.

I just saw the most breath taking photo. Doing things I shouldn’t be doing caused me to see this photo. Heart sank.

Sank deep into this pit and then shot right up into the throat. Oh how sick these moments make one feel.

Happiness was in hand. Then you, I saw you. And it all fell apart. Why am I struggling so hard at getting back my heart. Why.

Circumstances have it that a stadium, a book, a bed, a statue, a shirt, shoes, many pairs of shoes remind me of you. That is why. And truth be told there is so much more than those things that remind me of you.

All those vacations you’ve gotten to have. And all these vacations I haven’t gotten to have. I hate you for being so beautiful to me. Please just get out of me.

I want to go where you’ve been. I want to go where you haven’t ruined.

The things I had felt lately had nothing to do with you. I had been loving forgetting you. Once again I am thinking too much of you.

I was learning to love this city again. Now I don’t even want to feel it’s air on my skin. All because of this one breath taking photo by you.

You and your vacations.

Inamorato

Dearest Love
Remember how we used to spend all those times together pretending like everything was more than it truly was.
A holiday has made things sink right in.
Not in a way of discomfort or sadness.
I don’t even know who you are.
You meant so much to me and I meant so little to you.
Little maybe even nothing.
Nothing.
Odd how I made you everything.
Everything.
So as much as I want to pretend like I hope you’re happy and I’m just too good for you, I know that these statements are lies. But that’s what we do with each other. We lie.
Lie. Lie to ourselves even. Maybe not you but I do. I lie and say maybe one day you’ll get it. Lie and say it meant something more to you than what it did.
Lord I sure must be sick in the head.
Dearest Love the things that you do.